My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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