In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
