I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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