Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
