When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
