Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
