you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
