Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
