I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
