At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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