He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
