I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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