I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to make a zoo with you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
