when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
