you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
