Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
