I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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