Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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