You work out of a Hotel?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
