She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
