Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
