She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
