In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
