i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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