I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
