She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
