I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
