I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
