So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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