I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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