They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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