i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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