four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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