Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
