You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
