you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
