eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
