I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
