party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
