you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
this is an emotional support booty call
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
