Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
