You just made me feel so damn special
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Boobs speak an international language.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
