when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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