i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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