How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this beer tastes like vomit already
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to make out with him forever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
