Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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