I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the day after is always just damage control
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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