From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
