you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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