I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
