Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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