Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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