How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye