I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
