With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
