textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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