just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
