I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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