I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
