his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
