alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
