Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
