turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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