I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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