zippers are such a cool invention
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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