I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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