WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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