You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
