let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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