then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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