He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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