so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
