I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
