Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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