im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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