..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
