i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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