one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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