Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
smell my finger.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
