I just threw up on my dentist
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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