found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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