Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
