Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
